My sister

Haha, and I introduce you to my sister Lisa, for those of you who don't know her, this is her and as you can see she is crack up! She is such a kid at heart but a great Mom and sister too! This was two nights before they moved I helped them pack and then we went to SUSHI and took some pretty funny pictures in her car!

Took O to the beach the day before they moved.

Olivia is BEAUTIFUL!

AHHH!! This is why I love her so much!

Driving home from the beach, stuck in traffic but her and I always have a good time singing to the Beatles or Beach boys!

She's sooo cute!

Going out to dinner, yum yum!

Here's Milla Jane, Lisa's new baby.


Lisa again I thought I'd show you a normal picture.

This is my family when they took me to Vegas, Lisa, Jodi, me and Olivia. Jodi is amazing as well!

Dining room all packed up.

Kitchen

Living room

Olivia's room was sooo cool!

Lisa's room



My sister Lisa left yesterday to Santa Monica. Even the thought of that makes me sad. I know what everyone is thinking, "it's just Santa Monica," but no, no it's much more than that. I was over at her house in Riverside everyday, my job was to watch her daughter, my best friend and niece, Olivia, and sometimes her new baby Milla and now I can't do that anymore. They are both the most loving people in the world! A lot of who I am I give full credit to both of them. Olivia is only 11 and she has taught me more about Christ then many people in my life. She is such a beautiful child of God! I am so thankful for her! I grow everyday hanging out with her and I only hope I can be as much as an example of God for her as she is for me. She is brilliant and God sure blessed her with brains and good looks too! I am probably going to drive by there old house from time to time and just sit there and think because that house holds so many memories and so much happened there that I will never forget. I will always hold those memories in that house dear to my heart. So many of them, how could I forget? I know my sister is strong and she will be perfect there and it is much more conveinent for her to be there considering her job consists of her driving to L.A. for castings almost everyday! I just am being selfish not wanting her to be there because of all the great times we have shared, and all the times I would just call because I had a bad day and she would say come over we will cheer you up! She could always cheer me up no matter how much I didn't want to be around people, I could always count on her! I guess I just wanted to show everyone how much they have given me and all I could think of was to dedicate a blog to them to show my love for them! I really do love them and like I said before God has a reason for all of this, the hard part is figuring that meaning out...

It's time to make some more good memories in Santa Monica in her new apartment, praise God for that!

Betrayal and forgiveness??

I guess betrayal pretty sums it up for me as of right now. Don't even know what to say about that. 

I thank God for giving me a heart that feels because sometimes our eyes are so blind to see the truth we don't want to believe but our heart knows better. I am literally becoming numb to all this pain that repeats itself. I learn something new everyday, good or bad, doesn't matter. Today just so happened to be a bad one. It's like something new comes out everyday... Why do I continue to be shocked by it? I should know by now. 

Oh well, no ones perfect, I know that most of all.

All I can say is your performance made me stronger now, so take a bow cause you have taken everything else!

Moving on....

I get home from Jordan and the next day my sister Lisa comes to pick me up to surprise my niece Olivia at school, I was already sad to be home because I fell in love with Jordan so much! The first thing she tells me is she's moving to Santa Monica on the 15th! I sat there in disbelief! NO, NO, NO you are not! You can't take Olivia! Well, yupp she is, she is moving and renting her awesome house out! That stinks! Moving into a one bedroom apt. with two kids will be interesting. She needs to be closer to LA for her job though I can't blame her. I just wish I could buy her the flower shop she's always wanted so she can stay here! If I could do that I would in a heartbeat! I have gotten so close to her this past year and Olivia, well she is my best friend too. I don't know what I am going to do without seeing them almost everyday. Going over there just for stupid advice on outfits and especially her asking my advice on fashion too. Going over there when I have tears rolling down my face and Lisa and O being there through it all. Them coming and joining me for brunch or dinner at the caf and acting like goofballs with me there. Lisa making me laugh because she is the most real person I have ever met! I can't explain the bond I have with them it's amazing and I don't think I could ever ask for two people that have blessed me more in my life!  They have been through everything I have been through and have been my backbone for the past year more then anyone could know. I know God is doing this for a reason. I need to grow in Him not in anyone else, even family! I am just distraught that they are leaving... It won't be the same, change is good right? I really hope it is this time...

There's a lot more other then that, I don't even want to get into it that's a whole different can of worms. 

All in all being back in America sucks!

I don't think one thing has gone right, I have had fun but that doesn't mean it's right... 

God just heal me, and help me to forgive! No person will ever amount to the grace and love you have given me, help me quit searching for that in flesh. I only want to thirst for you! You are all I need! Amen.

Home...not so "homey" anymore...

Standing at top of Mount Nebo. This is where Moses looked over the Holy land. It is beautiful you can see all of Israel.

The DEAD SEA, my fav tourist place! As you can see it doesnt look so dead does it?

About to get baptized by this grizzly bear also known as Guy Grimes. Ya the water is green and it isnt much of a river anymore (sad sad) but still an amzing experience!

As you all already know I am back home. I am living with my best friends family "the Bowers" I am very grateful for that too. The first day I got back Brit got me at the airport, and I was soooo happy to see her beautiful face! =) We got some taco bell on the way home and I got sick and continue to keep getting sick from the American food, wierd? It stinks but oh well. Hoipefully I will get over it soon. I wasn't that tired which was good because I needed to stay up until at least 9. It's crazy our flight left Amman at 2:30am, landed in Frankfurt at 8am (4 hour flight) and then got back to fly to Cali (12 hour flight) at 10am and landed in LAX at 12:30 in the afternoon, crazy eh? We all got to live Tuesday twice haha. The flight had a lot of turbulance and everyone was all freaked out, I actually was calm about it, suprising I know. So pretty much everything went great with the flight and the team all got home safely on Tuesday, May 27th at 12:30pm. I went home to Brits mom making me a welcome back dinner. It was yummy! At about 7pm I felt as if I was a zombie and headed to bed ASAP!



Now, Update on the trip and what really went down! I know it sounds like in my prior blogs all we were doing was having fun and partying, well we were having a great time but we did a lot more than that. God blessed our trip more than any of us could ever imagine! I just couldnt say that when I was in Jordan because they scan our e-mails and we could get in some deep doo-doo, crazy I know. So, now you know God, yes he is the MAN! Our first week was our tourist week because Robert was down a friend of the "M" so he wanted to knock out two birds with one stone. We saw a lot of neat things down in Jordan and I will never forget them. I am so happy I got to meet Robert he is an amazing guy! A lot of us got sick the first week. I didn't and was so happy until the second week I got super sick! I was the only one that had to actually stay in a whole day, what a bummer! I slept about 7 hours during that day until the team came home and woke me up I felt better within three days, but it was hard to get better because the smoke and dust is everywhere. The smoke and dust out there was intense so it was honestly hard not to get sick from it. Anyway, we did a lot of communication out there. We had specific groups to where we would go on campus (University of Jordan) and try and talk to people and learn about them and there language, which is Arabic and is amazing! We actually made so many freinds doing that and I know will keep in contact! The group idea didn't work out too long because Kels and I went a lot of places together, we felt we were most effective together and we were. We met many girls together and some of which already call us there best friends! I am so grateful for God putting them in our path. The crazy thing is they approached us and spoke English (just happened to be English-German majors) very well! The language barrier was a lot harder then I thought It would be. We hungout with so many different people and each one beautiful in a distinct way. We also did some feeding in poor areas (Palestinian refugees)for a couple of days. Some of which were Christian and got to share there story with us, (incredible) and others were Muslim but all were so welcoming and loving! The hospitality shown in Jordan is priceless, I can't get over it. You walk in a house and the first thing they do is serve you food or a drink of some sort, (usually tea or this crazy coffee stuff, yikes.) We visitied an orphanage too. This was my favorite day, considering I want to hopefully have an orphanage or do something of that sort some day. I love kids they were so awesome! They just wanted to be loved and played with and we showed them so much attention, they seemed to be very happy! We played some games like baby shark and the hookie pokie. They loved it! The kids kept saying anna, anna meaning me, me because they all wanted to be picked up more then the others. It was so sweet, the only downfall was I wish we could have stayed longer. It was a very clean and organized orphanage and we were all blown away by that. We all were sad to leave. Kels and I snuck upstairs to spend time with some of the older girls because the kids always get the attention. Only one girl was awake and she showed us pictures of her friends and we talked as best as we could. We left and headed off to have dinner with the "M's" out there. I loved going to there houses because it was the only place that really felt like back home, only because they are American. I loved being with there kids too they shared so many great stories and brought so much sunshine into my life being out there away from my family and friends. They all have the hospitality as the Arabs do too. We had a few lessons in Arabic, which was intense but we honestly learned a lot. I sometimes use it out here when I don't mean too and people get confused but it's just a habit now. We did so much more then I can even write, but I don't want to bore you so that was the run-down. The trip was more then I ever thought it would be and I can't wait to return to Jordan! There is so much to be done and I didn't feel comfortable leaving yet! Our whole team didn't want to leave. I know everyone says you get in a wierd phunk when you come back and it takes a while to get out of it but I don't think I will be out of it for a long-while. I LOVE JORDAN and everything about it, the people, the land, the food (MANSEF!!!), the culture, the smoke, the dust, the streets, the smell and on and on. I am in an indifferent state being back home. It just doesn't feel right. No one can understand fully what you have seen or where you have been until they experience it themselves. In the meann time I try my hardest to explain anyway, haha. It is weird everything in America now reminds me of Jordan and I want to tell everyone the story behind this or that and the inside jokes we all had out there, but there is a reason they are called inside jokes. I find myself getting very sad at random things because I miss being out there so much. I thank God for giving me this opportunity and keeping everyone safe but I know this isnt the end! I miss Jordan very much and am seeing what God has in store for me next...

God made this trip possible, God did all the work, we were just privileged enough to be his hands and feet!


Thanks again to everyone who prayed for em out there, it helped more then you know. There were times when I wanted to give up but didn't because all you guys back home! So, THANK YOU A BILLION! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! Please keep praying for me and especailly the Muslims in Jordan. I want to be sure I keep a relationship with the girls we met out there and show them the LOVE Christ has for them!

Coming home...

Well well well, my journey has just about ended here in Jordan. I am very very very sad! Just thinking about leaving these beautiful people brings tears to my eyes! I can't explain how much love there is here. It's unbelievable! I have never felt so loved in my life from all the hospitality that has been shown. I wish some day it will be like that in America. I am going to miss it here more then anyone can ever know. I might hide out for a couple of days, so friends and family don't be mad, it is going to be hard for me to transition back. Especially since I don't really even want to come home. It is crazy to think when I first left and even up to about the second week here I was excited to come home but this last week has been amazing! We have been hanging out with so many Arab friends and I don't want to leave them, not in the slightest! Just today we hung out with soem awesome girls and were laughing and they took us around downtown then we went to one of the girls house and she served us tea and we shared more laughs. No one can understand what I have seen and who I have met they have to come out here for themselves and do it! I am excited to see my family and friends of course but I understand now what it is all about being here and what a difference a friendship out here can make. I hope I can really keep these beautiful people as my friends! I will and ya'll keep me accountable! Yesterday we went to Jerash, it was INCREDIBLE!!! Got lots of pics so I will post them as soon as I can. We got to go inside different caves (we weren't allowed to go in them but we were curious, haha) and see how the Romans lived and see the castles they built for the gods. It was really fun, and saw Roman theaters. I got to see 3 different ones, and some Jordanian men were playing bagpipes and drums and they played Amazing Grace and then Yankee doodle. It was so fun and all us girls started doing a Jordanian dance that we learned from friends. We were all laughing and having a blast! I really am becoming family with my team I love them so much! We are headed to citadel, a place in Jordan that is extremely high up and it looks over the city of Amman. It is gorgeous. That will be the last thing we do, then we pack up and leave. ='(

Hmmmm, well I am kind of speechless I didn't know it would feel this way. I thought I would be sad to leave but I didn't think it would go by this fast. It is a feeling I know I have to feel but I can fix it, I can come back. I will do everything I can and it is not me that is in control. I love you all so much I can not deny, and once again thank you for keeping me safe out here from you keeping me in your thoughts! I will let you all know when I am safely home. My girl Bowsa is getting me at the airport so no worries! Bye bye....

UPDATE #2! =)

First of all, I just want to say I love you guys! All my friends that have been keeping up with me out here. It means more then you know! I am starting to get a little homesick because I have never been away from my friends or family this long. It is a good thing though! We are learning Arabic and it's going pretty good. Im excited to practice it with you when I get home, it is very very hard though! I love the people out here, it is sooo different but beautiful the way the people carry themseves! The women carry themselves in a whole lot different way then the women carry themselves in America. That has definitely been the biggest struggle for me, learning to hush up and not even look at men or they will think the wrong idea. Trust me they stare and stare and yell at you, but you have to ignore or they will be "naughty". Therehave been a couple very uncomfortable times for me and Kels because we are blonde, but luckily we have got some great guys with us. I am naturally a loud person so it is hard at times, but I know now that I can be the submissive, quiet women that I never thought I could be. It is interesting to see the culture here and how radically different it is from being home. I can't tell ya'll enough how much I love it here! I havent had major culture shock at all, I feel the same, just miss everyone that's all. I really can't go into detail about anything else. I wish I could but all I can do is share about myself really. Just know we are making MANY friends and learning each day. It is simply amazing over here, I hope one day everyone can experience it.

So, I went to Petra on Monday!!!!! Let me just say AMAZING!!! 3 mile walk in down hill and 3 mile walk out up hill, CRAZY! Luckily I was okay and wasn't to out of breath. Me and Kels rode camels!!!!!! We rode them for a good 10 minutes and took some neato pictures, my butt hurt afterwards though. It was super strange but super fun!!! There are zillions of places around Petra we saw a couple of tombs and climbed and hiked all over and went into caves and such! It was incredible to see the beautiful rock carved into a city! I can't wait to show you all the pictures! =)

Here's an update on my cleanliness. I have showered now a total of 3 times. Yippee! It is sooo dusty so everytime I shower dirt runs out of my hair, it is nasty but funny. I went a total of 3 days without shaving my legs, I KNOW CRAZY!! It was rough but I did it! Oh, and another thing our (the girls) water has been turned off for 3 days now. Haha, so it has been quite diffucult to brush our teeth, wash our face, shave my legs, haha, flush the toilet, wash our clothes and so on and so on. We have been hanging in there though, that is what it's all about. We are all being stretched and are doing great! The food once again, amazing! When I leave I know I will be very sad about leaving that.

Other then that I think everything is going great. People have been sick beyond belief on our team, and Guy had a rootcanal here in Jordan. There have been a few injuries but all in all we are handling everything moomtas (perfect in Arabic)! Well folks that's all she wrote, I am sorry once again I can't write more details about other things, but once again keep us all in your "thoughts" please we need it!!! A good note we are all getting along as a team perfectly! We have had no major conflict and all mesh so great! We all laugh and smile and work great together! =)

Alrighty dooders I am off to get lunch, it is 12:30 here which means it is 2:30am there. I love you all again!!!! SEE YOU SOON!!!! =)

9 days....

Jordan

HI GUYS!!!!!! Ok first I want to say I made it safely, and jet lag wasnt too bad! I still am getting tired at random times but I am toughing it out! We had an 8 hour lay over in Germany so we got to go out and see Frankfurt for a while it was really cool! I am a quarter German so I got to see a little of my "home" haha. We got to Amman, Jordan at about 2:00am and our friend came to get us after we went through customs and all that crazy stuff it was about 3:30am and we were all soooo tired! Instantly I felt as if I was in a different country because of the language and look. It was dirty and dark feeling in the airport and people were trying to carry our bags for us and followed us out to the car and grabbed our stuff. They were trying to help but really all they want is a tip. It was a little strange and scary at first but now I am honestly used to the staring and looks. Our apt. or flat is what they call it is crazy. It is huge! Although, there is no hot water and we can't flush toilet paper down the toilet, it is pretty amazing! So do to that I have only taken one shower and am darn proud of it! Those that know me know that I can't go longer then two days with out shaving so I have been shaving with a bucket of water. Ha ha, I don't mess around! I enjoy it though. I can survive on this one-hundred percent. I think it shows how strong you can be when you don't even know it and how much we take what we have for granted, when in reality we don't need all the things we have, we just are used to being pampered. Alright, so I am going to go straight for the amazing things that have already happened on the trip! The first day we got to eat Yemen food and let me tell ya the food is excellent!!!! Later that night we got to eat Jordanian food which was even better! I love hummus and pita bread and that is everywhere in the Jordan! YUM YUM YUM!!! So I could go and on about how lovely there food is here but I think I might make you all a little jealous so we won't do that just yet ha ha. Yesterday, Saturday was our first tourist day. We are doing all the tourist stuff in the beginning of the trip for a reason. We went to the Jordan River and the Dead Sea yesterday. It honestly the most amazing day of my life! Let me tell you why, first I got baptized in the Jordan River, yes I did! I was the only one in the whole group that was allowed to go in the water and get baptized in the same place Jesus did. It was the most incredible feeling. Words can't even describe what it felt like! I made an outward expression from an inward decision and there was no better way to do it other then in the Jordan River, right? I thought so too. We toured around the place and got some awesome pictures and the team got a bunch of videos of me getting baptized too. There were different people there from all over the world coming up to me saying congratulations in different languages and shaking my hand it was neat! I was soaking wet so I couldn't go in the church at the Jordan River but I got to look inside at least and it was beautiful. After that we headed to the Dead Sea. Here are some random facts by Robert (a guy we met from Geogia) the Dead Sea is 20x saltier then the Ocean. The Dead Sea loses about an inch of its water every year and it is said that in 50 years the Dead Sea will be no longer there. Crazy hu? Robert knows just about everything about anything, trust me. We got to the Dead Sea and Kelsey, Guy and I ran in because we were so excited! It stung a little but we got right in and it's true, YOU FLOAT!!! It was sooooooooo cool! I didn't want to get out ever! Kels and I couldnt touch the floor but we were just sitting there bobbing and floating away. It is fun to play in it until you get the water in your eye, it stings horribly! Kels got in her eye and then decided to get some in mine and we were running around screaming! It was funny though. There is this special mud in the Dead Sea that is really good for your skin so Kels, Guy and I swam over there and it was under this salt rock. We put it all over our skin and face and looked black but it felt really good on our skin! Our whole team met up with us out there and we were all in the mud. It was one of the coolest experiences ever! There is so much more to say about this but you all have to wait until I get home. I have tons of pictures to show you all and I can't wait. I want to tell you all that is happening in Jordan beyond this but that will have to wait until I get home once again. Please just keep me in your "thoughts", rest assurred things are happening here! That's all I can say, I love you all and will update you soon hopefully! BOWSA thanx for my presents in my bag!!!! =) It was certainly a sweet suprise! XOXO!!!

GOOOOOONE!

So it is 4am and I am writing a blog when I need to be up at about 6am to finish packing and getting ready, haha what am I doing? I am so excited to go to the Middle East. I was not for the whole moth of April, I was actually dreading it. Now I can say I am 100 percent ready and stoked for what God is going to do in my life and the lives I will come in contact with! I let other things distract me and now that that business is done and over with I feel so connected with God! It is just amazing! I am going to try and keep everyone updated on this blog as much as I can, but I can't make any promises. If anyone is interested my e-mail is shibbles123@yahoo.com, shoot me an e-mail and I will try and get back to you. I love you all and thanks to all for being so helpful and supportive through everything! I can't wait to tell ya'll about my trip when I get home. I will miss each and everyone of you!

BOWSA, don't find a new best friend I am coming back ok!!! haha I will miss you so much but when I come back, were roomies again the whole summer and we will go to chipotle everyday still!!! =-) You are the most amazing person Brit!!! I can't stress that enough! You mean everything to me, and your family has treated me as one of their own and I can't even explain how they have changed my life!

Potter, you are simply amazing I can't thank you enough for how many times you have gone to bat for me! I owe you so much, probably my life but God already has that sowwy, haha! I'll miss ya homie and be good while I am gone!

Brisco, oh brisco! I have had a long history with this one and it never gets old with her!!!! I love her to death and always have a great time when we get together! Brisk you better be ready for when I get back to get down at JOHN MAYER!!!! WHOOT WHOOT!

All the rest of you, meaning family and friends, I LOVE U GUYS SOOO MUCH! Jodi, Lisa and bowsa thank you for an awesome birthday before I left!!!! Also, thank you for your support the most, you guys have been the most supportive of everything I plan on doing in my life especially with this trip! AMAZING! Sheesh I have been blessed with amazing people! I am sooooo happy right now and I haven't been able to mean that for a long time. God has perfect timing!

BYE GUYS!!! See you in 3 weeks!!!! =)