Chapel with Rick Alonzo =D

So, chapel this morning was ridiculous! I went in there not even wanting to be there considering I have about two chapels left. I didn't even need it but I thought to myself I do need it for my own good. Chapel isn't something I consider a burden I consider it a blessing and actually enjoy them, they don't harm me they only do good for me even though at times I can't see it. Walking in with a poop attitude I sat there with my friend Cristal playing on my mac showing her how it worked before chapel started. Then this "little" man walks on stage and starts sharing his story, he had an accent and didn't speak that great of English but I liked that about him it showed that it doesn't matter where you are from or how you speak you can share the Gospel! He said he was going to paint to a picture for us and explain what it meant later. While he was painting in the dark gym I started to lose interest. He was finger painting with neon colors but no one could tell what he was painting, it was, I have to admit an ugly painting. Until, he flipped it around and it was a huge picture of Jesus. I was in such awe that it literaly took my breath away! It took everyones breath away! How could something so ugly be flipped around and become such a beautiful painting of Jesus? Cris and I looked at eachother and almost started crying. He went on to explain that Jesus called him to paint that picture when he realized he needed to "flip" his life around. The painting is symbolic because he was living life as a "religious man" but not as a follower of Christ, so the painting was painted upside and flipped to show how Jesus flipped his life around. He went on to paint three others, one with planets and Jesus looking down on the planets because he the commander of the whole universe! Next, he painted a sideview of Jesus in bright orange and green and blue and he painted this one mainly with his feet, CRAZY! Lastly, he painted Jesus hanging on the cross, then he splattered red paint all over his body to show he bore all our sins becuase he loved us that much! When Rick was painting that last portrait I couldn't help but get teary eyed, I saw that painting and thought WOW he bore it all, ALL, just for me, just for me to be a screw up and not live for him. I thought I don't deserve his LOVE and kindness and comfort one bit. I just couldn't believe what a vivid image I got of him on that cross broken hearted because everyone had betrayed him but yet the LOVE he still had for us ALL! I was so broken during this chapel and thought I need to stop worrying about such little things and consume my thoughts only on Him! I know it seems impossible to only think about God, but I can assure anyone of this I am going to strive everyday to be Christ-like in every action I make. I've wasted so much time putting others down just to bring myself up, when in reality it only feels good because im lying to myself. I need to LOVE, I know I have grown in this area a lot but it will never be good enough until I can completely let go of everything and PRESS ON not look behind but PRESS ON towards the goal which is JESUS! Please, anyone that reads this keep me accountable for these words I write because sometimes I can lose sight of the image I want to live so easily. This world is sooo distracting and evil that I get sucked in so easily. I'm sick of living this life for anyone else but God, it's not what I am about or ever want to be again! I know this was probably hard to understand because I am a horrible writer but I wanted to share with everyone this experience that I wish everyone could have experienced.

"So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man." Acts 24:6

Here are a few pictures I took on my phone during chapel but as you can see they didn't turn out too good but I tried and hopefully ya'll can get a little taste of what I saw. Enjoy...







Toodles...xo<3

Forgiven

This is a song by David Crowter Band named Surely We Can Change, that I listened to the other night and fell in LOVE. I only put the chorus up because I think it is truly powerful, eventhough the whole song is fantastic. The words are simply beautiful and this is my prayer for everyone.

Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the LOVE
Who came To repair everything


The song really changed how I thought about others once again. I seriously always get caught up in my life and my problems and I need to stop doing that, but to be honest it is a constant battle for me. I know others have far more problems to worry about then I, but I seem to always drag everything back to myself and how I am feeling. It is truly a huge struggle of mine that I am getting better day by day through the grace of God and only God. In reality I have far more then I need and I still complain, what is my problem? I only hope that I can really grow in this part of my life. It seems like everything is just becoming so clear to me and I hope God can really paint me a picture of how blessed I am everyday! Also, a little side note, Matt Brown's sermon on Sunday was wonderful! He was talking about hurting and lost people and how we as "Christians" need to get up and reach out to those people not sit here and think we are better than them. People mess up that are followers and even them we need to reach out to, although it is extremely disapointing when someone you know that is a strong follower messes up. The worst thing to do though is leave and give up on them because what do they have to prove? NOTHING! I can't even imagine if my friends abandoned me during all the times I messed up I'd be so lost. So, stand by them and lift them up God can work miracles in the people you think that could NEVER change. As we all know Christians act so perfect and better then others and I'll be the first to admit I think that about myself all the time. I put myself up higher then others because I think, wow I've got it, I so have this christian thing down, I read my bible, I pray, and I go to church, ohh and the best of all is I'm going on this trip to the Middle East because I am that good of a Christian. My mind is totally out of whack when I get in that thinking process. God transform me. Matt brought up another great point, he was reading one of Paul's books in the Bible 1 Timothy 1:12-17, Paul states he is the worst of all sinners becuase of all the horrible things he had done. The point Matt was making was that WE are not the worst sinners because you see, Paul already claimed it, but we can take the silver medal and be the SECOND worst of them all. I loved that. My favorite part of the whole sermon was when Matt said, "Those who have been forgiven much, LOVE much!" I only hope this is the case.

??????????????????????

Worst day ever....

God I know you are bigger than anything on this Earth!!! Please just re-assure me of this right now especially, I know I can't go through this alone! I need YOU more then anything!!! Please make me strong through everything I rest in You and You alone! You are my God for eternity, all the earthy things will be gone and heaven is better then anything given here! I LOVE YOU and know You love me that is all I need to survive! Thank You for this suffering I go through because it is all for You and makes me closer to You! Everyday that passes is another day closer to You, now let me rest in the comfort of YOU!!!! AMEN!!

LOVE

You know, I don't get people. I don't think I ever will understand why others attack others when they don't even know them. I can't say I have never done this because I am probably most guilty of it and I never knew why I did it either. I do have good news though, during christmas break this last year I realized how much I didn't care about some peoples feelings or heart. That quickly changed when God smacked me in the face, and put me in a spot where I was thinking about others rather then myself. I thought, you know if I'm going through this pain I wonder how "she" feels. I started to put myself in other peoples shoes when I honestly didn't even know them or care to know them. I began to respect them and pray for them because that's what really works miracles. It was probably the hardest thing for me to do, praying for someone that I knew didn't like me, but I did it anyway. I'm not saying this to put myself up higher than anyone because like I said before, I am most guilty of judging or disliking people for no reason. It's just interesting how much God can really change a persons heart for someone they "hated" for no good reason. LOVE is powerful and that's exactly what God gives. I never thought I could change that aspect of judging about me. I almost found happiness in "judging or hating" others. Maybe that's why I get judged so harshly because I was so harsh to others. Only through the grace of God have I really changed the way my mind thinks. I hope that I can keep this attitude and be kind to everyone because that person you hold a grudge against probably has no clue or could care less, and you're the one wasting your energy and time hating them. Alright, that's just a little something that's been on my mind. I hope everyone can someday realize how truly powerful God is, He can change anyones heart <3

GOD IS LOVE!
"Beloved, let us LOVE one another, for LOVE is from God; and everyone who LOVES is born of God and knows God. The one that does not LOVE does not know God, for God is LOVE. By this the LOVE of God was manifested in us, that God sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might be able to LIVE THROUGH HIM. In this is LOVE, not that we LOVED God but that He LOVED us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so LOVED us, we also ought to LOVE one another. No one has seen God at anytime; if we LOVE one another, God abides in us, and His LOVE is perfected in us." 1 John 4:7-13

Real LOVE is like God, holy, just, and perfect. If we truly know God, we will love as he does.

I just want to write

So, this week has been interesting. First, let me say I love my ISP team. Everyday that passes I get more excited to go! I can't believe, me, out of all people am getting to go to the Middle East. I don't understand God sometimes and it was a bit shocking to hear I was selected to go there, but I am so ready to serve others in the Middle East. Although, I do wish we were there longer than 3 weeks. My family hasn't been very supportive. They think it is way too much for me to handle, but I will prove them wrong. It's funny to see the people I thought would support me the most are the ones that haven't and the ones I thought didn't even care are the ones that have been supportive, kinda crazy eh? Anyway, I had an amazing intensive training weekend with my team about 2 weeks ago. It started great and ended even better with our team meshing together beautifully! I can't even explain it, we truly have the perfect team! Now that I have got this far in my training I'm beggining to understand why God chose me for this team. It's a little clearer now, but I know when it's all said and done God has a great purpose for me there. I'm not asking questions now, I'm listening and letting him guide me he will never lead me astray, never has, never will. There are so many other things going through my head about this trip. I especially am thinking about the people we will be in contact with. I pray God prepares us and them for it. I want to shine so bright for Him I literally can blind people and they see something different in all of us students. We are only there for 3 weeks to serve them, and I pray they are so eager to know more after those 3 weeks that we build relationships with them beyond our trip.
Here is a picture of my ISP team. =)

Now school, well, it's kicking my butt. I feel so unmotivated to do anything. I'll hopefully get out of that "funk" soon. I love it at CBU but there are times when I just get so sick of typical people. What I mean by typical people is those "Christians" that act the furthest from it. So many times I have been let down by typical people, but on the bright side of things I always remember they are completely defenseless against my prayers. There might be nothing I can do but there is something God can do. That's always an encouraging and positive aspect.

I am praying God can continue to work in and through my life so I may bless others. I know staying faithful to him can be hard, but I've got to trust him. I've been through some interesting things that God always pulls me out of. In fact, just this past month alone. For example, I didn't have a job, I got a new job being a nanny for my sister, I love it and get paid well! I owed CBU $5,000 and thought I had tried everything to get that money. I pretty much got kicked out and the next day called Chase loans randomly, thinking NO WAY is this going to work, well, guess what... IT DID! I qualified for more than enough money. It was a beautiful work of God. Even before that happened a relationship of mine got completely torn apart the day school started and I was truly broken. I don't think I had ever cried so much in my life. Well, God rescued me from it, can't believe I ever doubted that he could not. I got so strong in my faith and I could not stop talking about this God of mine that has given me such joy from the pain. Yes, I still was hurting through it because wounds take time to heal but God was healing me in his perfect time, no one else was. Not talking to this person for over a month tore me up because I was so unsure why it had to end the way it did. Seeing him everyday at school and having to ignore him was even worse. Then knowing he was going through a really rough time I just wanted to be there for him and encourage him, but knew I could do nothing. I told myself I never want to go through that kind of pain again. But staying true to God, praying and reading the Bible really changed my life during that month. Having amazing friends (Brittany and Josh) were a huge part of this, but in reality I know it was Gods work. I realized why God had taken that person out of my life, and once again, it was perfect timing. It's a whole different feeling when you know you would lay down your life for what you believe. It's actually the scariest most insane feeling, but yet the best feeling ever. To end this blog I'm happy to say that I am friends again with this person I hadn't talked to for a month and am very happy to see how God is going to work in our lives. I am trusting God fully this time around because I think before I had got a little too deep into it. I've given God my heart and pray that he can protect it because I am His beloved. I pray that me and this person can grow as friends everyday together getting deeper in tune with God. "For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything." Hebrews 3:4. Whenever I think of relationships of any sort I go back to that verse to keep my mind centered on God being the builder of everything, even relationships. I only want what's best for him, and I hope he knows he means the world to me, truly and deeply. I honestly mean that with everything that's in me. I pray God guides and brings him clarity with everything in his life right now, God will make him the man I know he can be, once again, he's defensless against my prayers. I also pray God can lead me to be the women I know I can be too. Our time here is as short as a blink of an eye, but eternty is forever, I know what I am here for and that is to surrender my life completely to God. God will never forsake me!

"For I will give you words of wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict. You will be betrayed even by your parents, brothers, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death. All men will hate you because of me. But not a hair of your head will perish. By standing firm you will gain life." Luke 21:15-19

Here are two pictures of my best friends in the whole world!

This is what my new job consists of, spending almost everyday with the most beautiful girls ever!

New baby neice Milla Jane!

...Gravity...

This is my favorite song as of right now. I love, love, love the lyrics mainly, they fit how I feel at this moment in time. Everytime I hear this song I get the chills because it's pretty much perfect!

-Sara Bareillas-
-Gravity-

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do,
I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much,
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall,
Just the way I'm supposed to be.

But you're on to me and all over me.
You loved me 'cause I'm fragile,
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while,
And all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall,
Just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees,
As I try to make you see,
That you're everything I think,
I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe,
Though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that,
You're keeping me down... oooh.

Keeping me down...yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

On to me, you’re on to me and all over...

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

Life...what are we here for? The question everyone asks, well I know from this past week what I am here for. The only person that will never leave me... God! This week has been rough and to be honest it's crazy how much closer i've drawn to God in my moment of need. I think crying can be a waste of time, but once one tear comes out its like a waterfall, well at least for me. Through all of this, I have begun to realize that it seems when I go through hardships or suffering, if I may, I truly get closer to the one who made us. It is evident to me why God does this now. When everything is A-OK in my life I tend to forget why I am living, I never stop believing but I will slack off in my faith, and not be who I want to be for God. Yes, I knew you would ask. What do I want to be for God? Well, I want to be the brightest light for God, so that when believers and non-believers look at me they say, "WOW, there's something about that girl!" I want to be someone who always has a smile on her face, because smiles are contagious and you never know when just one smile can save someone else. I want to spend most of my life laughing at the simple things, because really what's there to be sad about? But, most importantly I want to serve God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength and show people that dont know him he is true, loving, righteous and the only way!

If I could sum it up in one sentence, I would say, I want to be a women of God that shines so bright for Him that all the nations would grow to LOVE Him, that never stops smiling and laughing because God has truly blessed her with the oppurtunity to spread His love!

...and I wont stop until it is complete!

Thats all for now...toodles.