Thursday, February 21, 2008

I just want to write

So, this week has been interesting. First, let me say I love my ISP team. Everyday that passes I get more excited to go! I can't believe, me, out of all people am getting to go to the Middle East. I don't understand God sometimes and it was a bit shocking to hear I was selected to go there, but I am so ready to serve others in the Middle East. Although, I do wish we were there longer than 3 weeks. My family hasn't been very supportive. They think it is way too much for me to handle, but I will prove them wrong. It's funny to see the people I thought would support me the most are the ones that haven't and the ones I thought didn't even care are the ones that have been supportive, kinda crazy eh? Anyway, I had an amazing intensive training weekend with my team about 2 weeks ago. It started great and ended even better with our team meshing together beautifully! I can't even explain it, we truly have the perfect team! Now that I have got this far in my training I'm beggining to understand why God chose me for this team. It's a little clearer now, but I know when it's all said and done God has a great purpose for me there. I'm not asking questions now, I'm listening and letting him guide me he will never lead me astray, never has, never will. There are so many other things going through my head about this trip. I especially am thinking about the people we will be in contact with. I pray God prepares us and them for it. I want to shine so bright for Him I literally can blind people and they see something different in all of us students. We are only there for 3 weeks to serve them, and I pray they are so eager to know more after those 3 weeks that we build relationships with them beyond our trip.
Here is a picture of my ISP team. =)

Now school, well, it's kicking my butt. I feel so unmotivated to do anything. I'll hopefully get out of that "funk" soon. I love it at CBU but there are times when I just get so sick of typical people. What I mean by typical people is those "Christians" that act the furthest from it. So many times I have been let down by typical people, but on the bright side of things I always remember they are completely defenseless against my prayers. There might be nothing I can do but there is something God can do. That's always an encouraging and positive aspect.

I am praying God can continue to work in and through my life so I may bless others. I know staying faithful to him can be hard, but I've got to trust him. I've been through some interesting things that God always pulls me out of. In fact, just this past month alone. For example, I didn't have a job, I got a new job being a nanny for my sister, I love it and get paid well! I owed CBU $5,000 and thought I had tried everything to get that money. I pretty much got kicked out and the next day called Chase loans randomly, thinking NO WAY is this going to work, well, guess what... IT DID! I qualified for more than enough money. It was a beautiful work of God. Even before that happened a relationship of mine got completely torn apart the day school started and I was truly broken. I don't think I had ever cried so much in my life. Well, God rescued me from it, can't believe I ever doubted that he could not. I got so strong in my faith and I could not stop talking about this God of mine that has given me such joy from the pain. Yes, I still was hurting through it because wounds take time to heal but God was healing me in his perfect time, no one else was. Not talking to this person for over a month tore me up because I was so unsure why it had to end the way it did. Seeing him everyday at school and having to ignore him was even worse. Then knowing he was going through a really rough time I just wanted to be there for him and encourage him, but knew I could do nothing. I told myself I never want to go through that kind of pain again. But staying true to God, praying and reading the Bible really changed my life during that month. Having amazing friends (Brittany and Josh) were a huge part of this, but in reality I know it was Gods work. I realized why God had taken that person out of my life, and once again, it was perfect timing. It's a whole different feeling when you know you would lay down your life for what you believe. It's actually the scariest most insane feeling, but yet the best feeling ever. To end this blog I'm happy to say that I am friends again with this person I hadn't talked to for a month and am very happy to see how God is going to work in our lives. I am trusting God fully this time around because I think before I had got a little too deep into it. I've given God my heart and pray that he can protect it because I am His beloved. I pray that me and this person can grow as friends everyday together getting deeper in tune with God. "For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything." Hebrews 3:4. Whenever I think of relationships of any sort I go back to that verse to keep my mind centered on God being the builder of everything, even relationships. I only want what's best for him, and I hope he knows he means the world to me, truly and deeply. I honestly mean that with everything that's in me. I pray God guides and brings him clarity with everything in his life right now, God will make him the man I know he can be, once again, he's defensless against my prayers. I also pray God can lead me to be the women I know I can be too. Our time here is as short as a blink of an eye, but eternty is forever, I know what I am here for and that is to surrender my life completely to God. God will never forsake me!

"For I will give you words of wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict. You will be betrayed even by your parents, brothers, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death. All men will hate you because of me. But not a hair of your head will perish. By standing firm you will gain life." Luke 21:15-19

Here are two pictures of my best friends in the whole world!

This is what my new job consists of, spending almost everyday with the most beautiful girls ever!

New baby neice Milla Jane!

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