Sunday, June 8, 2008

Betrayal and forgiveness??

I guess betrayal pretty sums it up for me as of right now. Don't even know what to say about that. 

I thank God for giving me a heart that feels because sometimes our eyes are so blind to see the truth we don't want to believe but our heart knows better. I am literally becoming numb to all this pain that repeats itself. I learn something new everyday, good or bad, doesn't matter. Today just so happened to be a bad one. It's like something new comes out everyday... Why do I continue to be shocked by it? I should know by now. 

Oh well, no ones perfect, I know that most of all.

All I can say is your performance made me stronger now, so take a bow cause you have taken everything else!

Moving on....

I get home from Jordan and the next day my sister Lisa comes to pick me up to surprise my niece Olivia at school, I was already sad to be home because I fell in love with Jordan so much! The first thing she tells me is she's moving to Santa Monica on the 15th! I sat there in disbelief! NO, NO, NO you are not! You can't take Olivia! Well, yupp she is, she is moving and renting her awesome house out! That stinks! Moving into a one bedroom apt. with two kids will be interesting. She needs to be closer to LA for her job though I can't blame her. I just wish I could buy her the flower shop she's always wanted so she can stay here! If I could do that I would in a heartbeat! I have gotten so close to her this past year and Olivia, well she is my best friend too. I don't know what I am going to do without seeing them almost everyday. Going over there just for stupid advice on outfits and especially her asking my advice on fashion too. Going over there when I have tears rolling down my face and Lisa and O being there through it all. Them coming and joining me for brunch or dinner at the caf and acting like goofballs with me there. Lisa making me laugh because she is the most real person I have ever met! I can't explain the bond I have with them it's amazing and I don't think I could ever ask for two people that have blessed me more in my life!  They have been through everything I have been through and have been my backbone for the past year more then anyone could know. I know God is doing this for a reason. I need to grow in Him not in anyone else, even family! I am just distraught that they are leaving... It won't be the same, change is good right? I really hope it is this time...

There's a lot more other then that, I don't even want to get into it that's a whole different can of worms. 

All in all being back in America sucks!

I don't think one thing has gone right, I have had fun but that doesn't mean it's right... 

God just heal me, and help me to forgive! No person will ever amount to the grace and love you have given me, help me quit searching for that in flesh. I only want to thirst for you! You are all I need! Amen.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Shelby how I love you! You have the most beautiful heart.
    Jeremiah 33:2-3 "This is what the LORD says, he who made the earth, the LORD who formed it and established it—the LORD is his name: 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'

    Jeremiah 29:11
    For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

    You know the song Blessed be your name...? There is a part in it that says "you give and take away, my heart will choose to say Lord blessed be your name."
    Sometimes we go through this sort of cleansing process as God weeds out what we don't need in our life, sometimes things necessary and somtimes things just for the moment, things that we might turn to first instead of Him. Use this time, find as much alone time as you can and seek God. Thank Him for this time that He has given you to draw near to Him. He wants your heart as much as you want His.
    Remember it's not about you, or how you feel, it's about what God is doing through you.

    In all of His love,